In front of all the people
Sweaty palms, dry throat, cold sweat and pounding heart. Shame, ignorance, inadequacy.
These physical and emotional feelings comes up to my mind, when I go 20 years back in time when I was asked to give presentations in front of my school class. I’ve was always the shy and silent one as a kid, stage fright has been with my all my childhood. As I’ve grown up, I’ve decided to take that bull by its horns and get over those unnecessary feelings.
On thursday 15.3.2018, I stood up in front of 50 person crowd in local movie theatre and gave short 5 minute speech about a project we’ve been working on for few months. Blinded by the bright stage lights, I have zero memories what happened or what I said, but after leaving the stage with applause I was already thinking of ways how I could get back up there.
I believe this not speaking out loud is a Finnish thing. Finns are traditionally silent people, who don’t chit chat in public places. Finns are generally more comfortable staring at tip of their shoes or out of the windows minding their own business.
I don’t think everybody’s meant to have speeches in public, but for most of the people it is totally unnecessary to be afraid of it. It is totally okay to decline the possibility if you really don’t want to, but not because your afraid of it.
As I got microphone in my hand, I focused on talking to one or two persons in crowd that I knew previously. It helped me to be more natural and not to stress too much. After leaving the stage, I felt energized and relaxed. I found myself thinking about where my next speaking gig could be. It seems to be quite addictive to challenge yourself in to next things that you first feel afraid of.
I belive this advacement has happenend mainly because I nowdays understand myself better than I did before. I’m more aware how good I’m at things I do and I can tell about those things more clearly. Understanding my own strengths and not giving a f*** about nay sayers opinions has improved my self esteem a lot. In the end, it is my life, my truth.